Mission Statement

Alex Kaplan

brother, leader, martyr

The Coalition for the Restoration of Alex Kaplan in the Cal Poly Community (or CRAKCPC, for short) is a grassroots movement which began in late April 2010. We were forced to watch as Cal Poly's favorite son, Alex Kaplan, fell victim to the twisted gaze of mainstream media (MSM). Cal Poly's student-run newspaper, The Mustang Daily, coordinated a deliberate smear campaign against Kaplan from the very onset of his campaign. After over a thousand Mustang Daily partisans and Storelli brown shirts had taken to publicly mocking this great man, the criticism became too much to bear. His campaign was in ruin, and his reputation lay wretched in its wake. He had no choice but to concede.

Now, we the members of CRAKCPC are resolved to see the restoration of a tragic hero in his darkest hour.

We demand:

1. The immediate public apology of the entire staff of the Mustang Daily, and its subsequent resignation. The corruption's roots run deep; every student involved in the creation of those fateful newspaper articles is culpable for these heinous crimes, from lowly photographer Patrick Fina to disgraced Editor-in-Chief Emilie Egger, whose name is as alliterative as she is illiterate.

2. The concession of Sarah Storelli from the ASI Presidential race. We will not stand for the noxious, white supremacist vitriol which fuels her campaign, nor will we let her role as co-conspirator in the plot against Alex Kaplan go unpunished. Once she has publicly announced her resignation, she must surrender herself to Judicial Affairs, where she will be placed at the mercy of the same corrupt bureaucracy which once sought to put her in power.

3. The restoration of Alex Kaplan's Presidential campaign, as well as the guaranteed inclusion of his name on the election ballot. To permit this farcical trope of Democracy to continue unchecked would be a crime of the same magnitude and nature as those already perpetrated against him.

4. The seizure and subsequent redistribution of Sarah Storelli's hoard of campaign wealth among the students of Cal Poly, as penance for her crimes. In addition, Storelli's red-shirted gestapo will be made to submit their campaign uniforms to a pyre; its cleansing fire will purge our proud university of the taint of her actions.

5. The tearing down of the exterior walls of the University Union. No longer will Kelly Griggs and her ASI junta be permitted to coordinate and execute their nefarious machinations protected by the cloister of an urban fortress. The reign of the clandestine regime of ASI's shadow government is coming to a close. With Alex Kaplan, an era of progress and radical transparency will be ushered in, and "better communication and shit" along with it.

We stand at the precipice of a moment of great change, and we do so in solidarity with a greater man. If our demands are not met promptly and in full, there will be a reckoning the likes of which our campus has never witnessed. The Mustang Daily will have its darkest secrets brought to light, and in the process it will fall further from grace, to the darkest depths of the journalistic abyss. The ensuing controversy will no doubt cause the Journalism Department to be denied its request for reaccreditation. Closet Alex Kaplan supporters will rise, and the University Union will run red with the cast-down shirts of Storelli's secret police.

Alex Kaplan has endured character assassination, and worse. Now, let us effect his restoration and see justice brought unto those who once conspired against him.